Just about open

Currently I am frazzled. We're pretty much open to the public now and I've just spent a load of money on paint, cleaning stuff, and the basic materials I need to start up. We've done this in the quietest time of the year but now I'm ready and open I am also terrified. This comes as a bit of a shock to me. I was confident, I was enthusiastic, I was excited... Now I'm... Well I'm kind of stressed out and a little bit miserable. I think they call this "After the Lord Mayors Fair". Meaning that the build-up has been huge and now the reality has hit it is somewhat underwhelming.

I have been sleeping excessively and yesterday as soon as I arrived at work I vomited. It could have been a bug but that would be quite unusual for me. The amount I've been sleeping I'm presuming it's stress. I am stressing myself out over money primarily. What if I can't do this? What if I fail miserably? What if no one wants to buy the things I make? What if our exit from europe destroys everything? What if I can't afford to buy the raw materials and keep myself fed? These are all things that will not be solved by worrying about them. Yet I am worried to the point of throwing up. I'm desperately trying to calm myself and get a better grip on my situation. I thought I'd made it because I have a studio, if only life were that easy. Now I have to try and make the studio viable with only 10 years experience in my field, 10 years is not a lot by glass blowing standards. I'm pretty sure I can do this. At least I have to try, I'm terrified but that's what makes moving forward so important. As far as I'm concerned the most important thing in life is to do what you need to do regardless of how mind numbingly terrifying it is. On that thought I'm going to go make some earrings, who doesn't love earrings right?

Ok so it's later on and I'm feeling loads more positive, eaten some good stuff and I've talked to some really nice people who came by, I sold a few things which is a nice boost for a week day. There have just been some really lovely people in today which makes such a huge difference to me and my mood. We are a little bit out in the middle of nowhere here so foot-fall is sparse.
A lady came in to bring me a fluted piece of glass for me to make replacements of broken ones for her. It's Vaseline glass which we don't melt but I'm fairly confident I can match the colour. My own confidence with people as increasing also a lot of the time my gut instinct is to hide in the back. I'm not a massive people person. However I'm becoming more confident in my own abilities to replicate pieces of glass and the more I do these repairs the more confident I'm feeling. It's a slow, steady trudge but I actually feel like I'm getting there. How a few hours can change ones perspective.

Fickle world

This is an older rambling which I have finally decided to publish.

The glass blowing world is incredibly fickle, unfortunately you will be judged on your actions outside of your profession.
This seems to be the case particularly for women, to give an example, a female glass blower began an intimate relationship with a male glassblower. She was entirely unaware that he was in a relationship with someone else at the time, once she found out she broke it off. She has since applied to his place of work for an assistant position. The reason she is not getting the job is because she has previously been romantically involved a member of staff. The other staff members took an instant dislike to her and branded her a "homewrecker" despite her lack of knowledge about her lovers' long-term girlfriend.
The man in question was not punished at all, his workmates and boss all knew about the affair. His partner remains unaware.
This girl now has a reputation within the glassblowing community. She does not deserve it and has been judged unfairly on her moral conduct. The man's position at work and his home life remain blissfully unaltered. Gossip spreads like wildfire and people will judge her without even having met her.

As a female glass blower I could not have achieved the position I'm in now without a huge amount of support from a man who is hugely respected within the profession. He has taught and supported me throughout my development as a maker and simply being seen with him has awarded me some levels of respect amongst collectors and glass makers alike. I tended to stand next to him at every social/networking opportunity and try to become involved in every conversation regarding techniques of glass making. I had to force myself into conversations particularly with middle-aged and older men who even flippantly attributed my contributions to the conversation to Richard. Richard repeatedly pointed out that work was mine or I had analysed something faster or more effectively than him and some of these men  looked through me as though I was a shadow. This made me more determined to crowbar my way into every conversation I could, to push my abilities and knowledge on to them and make them acknowledge my presence. I understand this made them feel uncomfortable sometimes but Richard had asked for my opinion on several occasions and they still felt it acceptable not to acknowledge my presence.
This is not necessarily because I'm female, it may be because they consider me too young to be knowledgeable in this field, whilst in a way flattering, my age is largely irrelevant as I've been making glass for 13 years now. I know that I don't know everything but I am more familiar with modern teaching and a different variety of techniques than those that Richard uses.
I don't believe my opinions are worth more than another glass makers, I just wish to be heard and not ignored. This seems to be the lot of female glass makers. We have been deemed 'not "real" glass makers' by members of the public. I have also heard "Oh the man isn't doing it today" hundreds of times,which people tell children as I am  between making pieces or having a cup of tea. They are small things, but they all add up. They can make you feel underappreciated and like you have to prove yourself to complete strangers in order to be accepted as a glass maker.
There are few female glass makers in the country, let alone any whom have the time and money to dedicate to an apprentice or student. This means that most female glass makers learn from male glass makers, this isn't necessarily a bad thing but it segregates the female glass making community and often makes us see each other as competition rather than potential friends or respected peers.
I hope there is a little shift in the world and we all begin to see each other as a supportive network.
   
   

First Day

It's the first of February 2019 and it's the first day I've made anything in my studio this year. Just a few small pendents to test that the equipment is still working as it should before I delve in to orders and memorial paperweights.
I have managed to shuffle most of the hotshop around to give us a bit more space and I've even scrubbed the floor in places! (It's made from wooden decking so it's not getting a complete clean as I'm just going to burn it again soon anyway) The storage room and lobby have both been repainted and restocked with essentials, we can even open both doors all the way now! There's no stuff in the way anymore, we used to have a load of bags of chemicals left over from the days when we melted our own glass from scratch. I'm currently trying to find out how to dispose of them safely.

Everything has taken so much longer than anticipated. The smoke damaged areas took so many coats of paint and everything was just so dirty. The cleaning definitely took longer than the painting but the painting would have been hell without the cleaning first. 
I have also discovered how difficult it it to paint a small ceiling... when you're 5'3".
My mum and step-dad have been amazing throughout this entire process, they have cleaned, masking-taped, painted, organised, done tip runs, painted some more, taken things home to clean and paint, hassled the council about my lease for me, moved heavy stuff, and painted some more! I wouldn't be anywhere close to finished without them! I am so grateful to have my amazing family and friends around me right now.
Plan to open back up in a couple of days. Best get my glass stuff back to the station.

Taking over Station Glass - January

So it's here. 2019. The year I officially take over the Station. I am beyond excited!
It's nearing the end of January and I am so tired. We have had a sort-out and have cleaned everything from top to bottom. We have almost finished the painting, my clothes constantly stink of gloss paint. In fact the whole station smells of paint. I barely notice it anymore. We have fillered, sanded, painted and repainted the ceilings, walls, coving, skirting boards and window frames. It has taken 4 of us almost a whole month but hopefully we will never have to do it again in one go! I wanted a fresh start so everything is getting a makeover. Even the toilet is having a new seat!
I love this building and it's about time it showed. The council managed to get round to fixing the sash window (just one) in the studio so we can actually open it now for the deadly hot summers.
All the stuff in storage is being sorted through in the next few days, the hotshop is getting shuffled to hopefully make better use of the small space and the plinths are getting a new coat of paint once we have stopped using them as storage for all the stuff that we had to move in order to paint. It's all go and I feel like I haven't slept so far this year but I am happy. I am happy and looking forward to the future.

Richard's Retirement

Richard is retiring at the end of this year and I take over the studio in January.
I'm excited, terrified, and a bit sad. Richard represents so many things to me; he's a mentor, a friend, a massively skilled glassmaker, a very chilled out guy who can chat to anyone and is just an all round brilliant human being. This year has been tough as I've hardly gotten to make glass with him at all. I see him occasionally in the mornings when he collects his work from the day before. I figure I can still catch him in the pub in 2019 though.

I finally visited Murano

In June 2018 something phenominal happened. The Island of Murano opened its doors to glassmakers across the world by hosting the Glass Art Society's 47th annual conference.
Murano has been well known for its' secretive ways and lack of skill sharing with other glassmakers acround the globe for centuries, so much so that the island itself was once a prison where glassmakers and their families could live happily as long as they never tried to leave. With that context it was a huge, historical step for the glassmaking world. I believe this was largely pushed by Maestro Lino Tagliapietra who has been teaching since the 1970s all over the world.

It was the first (and hopefully not the last) time I have attended a GAS conference but what a way to start! I stayed in Venice and travelled by Vaporetto (water bus) to Murano each day and had one of the best times of my life. There were so many people with similar interests, so many glass maker demonstrations to watch and so many places to investigate on the island itself. Shops, galleries, tool makers, studios. It was so much to take in all at once. It was so overwhelming but in an amazing way!

So when I tell you that all of this paled in to insgnificance compared to the highlight of my trip you will may grasp the enormity of it.  I got to meet my penpal. Her name is Dominique Cassie and she runs a glass workshop in Jaffrey, New Hampshire, U.S.A. She is just about one of the most fantastic humans I have ever met and I met her just before we got on a plane to Venice. I was terrified we were going to hate each other (as we were staying together the whole time) but we got on so well and I love her even more in person! She truly made my trip the best it could have been. She also catnapped everywhere which entertained me greatly. This might be due to accidentally purchasing decaf coffee because we couldn't read any Italian!

We went to watch Ned Cantrel, Vidar Kosvik, James Mongrain, David Powell, Nancy Callan, Gemma Grey, Dante Marioni, Lino Tagliapietra, Martin Janeky, and so many more. We watched the glassmakers work in the murrini factory, went to several glass galleries, visited mirror makers, chandelier galleries, saw loads of different studios, beach combed for the best sea glass I've ever found. I also met some amazing people like Sally Pratch who was just wonderful. It was amazing. I hope one day to be able to visit another GAS conference and see Dominique again. I love her all the way across the ocean. 

Open Day

The first open day at the studio (which will eventually be mine) where I had a showcase of my own work.

It happened yesterday. I spent the week stressing myself out, coldworking the things I was able to coldwork and sanding/painting and “filler-ing” my upcycled display cabinet and obviously trying to make a shed load of glass to go in it.  I was getting up at 7 and working before going to work then going straight to the garage-studio in the evenings to coldwork. Many things did not get completed because I was too tired to concentrate properly and I don’t yet have the array of coldworking facilities which I need to finish everything to the standard I want. I have lots of “work in progress”

I was so fatigued by the start of the day that I barely remembered it and quite frankly was not a good conversationalist when there were many, many people all trying to talk to me at once. The people are lovely and for the most part encouraging.

I hope I didn’t just stare vacantly in their direction and nod and smile…

I just slept for 13 hours straight and am still tired. Apparently I did not handle this well.

A few things happened, some of which surprised me and some of which disheartened me. I feel egotistical saying this but I didn’t sell much of my work and I found this surprising. Maybe I shouldn’t have been surprised because Richard has announced that he will be retiring from glassmaking in the next couple of years so his collectors are obviously going to try to get what they can whilst he is still making. Not that this makes me feel any better when I look at my sales.

The upside is that I now have a permanent display at the Station and it is currently nicely stocked with things. Silver-lining, right?

The more disheartening thing happened when we were pricing some of my pieces in the morning. (Yes I know it was last minute but hey I am an artist so I am useless at linear thinking) There was a friend and collector staying with my boss and his wife who was helping out with the open day, I asked his opinion on pricing for some of my solid-sculpted pieces. I realise that solid-sculpting is not to everyone’s taste and is by no means a traditional method of making in the UK. It clearly was not to his taste because he suggested the price tag of £60 for something which had taken me almost three hours to make. He must have seen my face drop because he rapidly suggested I upped it to £75… I imagine my face probably frowned. I made him hold the piece and the realisation of just how heavy it was dawned on him, his estimate only just covered the cost of the glass and the gas used to heat it, not even covering the assistants wages. I think it then registered with him that he might have offended me just a little.

I had valued his opinion in the past because he is a longstanding glass collector who is meticulous in his arrangement and display of his collection. His house is like a museum. Full of traditionally made beautiful pieces of glass. I still value his opinion but will not be asking for it on any solid-sculpted pieces. The closest thing to solid-sculpting he has in his collection is a paperweight or two. He clearly places a higher value on the blown pieces which he obviously enjoys.

This was one step in a steep learning curve for me. Richards collectors love his work, my own style of work is very different and that showed in sales. I will not be changing my style of work (because if I just copy Richards style that defeats the object, doesn’t it?) but will be changing where I choose to market it.  I think my solid sculpted pieces probably belong in a gallery setting where the right audience will see them.

I was also told that one of my sculptures was “horrible”.  The reason being that it was a bunny body with a large skull for a face and big floppy ears. I enjoy mixing the cute with the macabre. Many people think I should stick to the cute. I like the macabre too much to stay away from it. I realise it’s an acquired taste but the market is out there. It probably doesn’t exist amongst most middle-aged glass collectors though. Several people have suggested Whitby as a good place to show my work.

I feel I need a trip to Whitby to meet some of “my people” and have a break for a while. 

 My display cabinet before and after

Fully stocked, bit dark as we hadn't opened the blinds yet

Ocean sculptures and paperweights

 Underwater volcano sculptural light

 Everyone needs icecream cone sheep in their life right?

 New small display advertising my Memorial Ashes Paperweight range

My horrible bunny skull sculpture. His name is Bernard. I love him.